英语的笑话总是那么的幽默而又搞笑，今天就让我们一起来看看吧，希望大家会喜欢。
一、耳朵还在我衣兜里
Ivan came home with a bloody nose
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。
and his mother asked, What happened
他妈妈问，发生了什么事
A kid bit me, replied Ivan.
一个男孩咬了我一口，伊凡说。
Would you recognize him if you saw him again asked his mother.
再见到他你能认出来吗妈妈问。
Id know him any where, said Ivan.
他走到哪里我都能认出他，伊凡说。
I have his ear in my pocket.
他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。
二、有你和我是候选人
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.
So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation.
All who want to go to heaven, please rise.
Everyone got up except the snorer.
After whispering Be seated, the minister shouted at the top of his voiced,
All those who want to be with the devil, please rise.
Awaking with a start ， the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpi
Well, sir, he said, I dont know what were voting on,
but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it.
牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。
一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，
让他不要再在布道时睡觉。
于是他低声对信徒们说：想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。
所有的人都站了起来
当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。
在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：想去下地狱的人请站起来!
打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。
看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。
这个人说道：噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，
但看上去只有你和我是候选人。
三、我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的
Little Johnny says Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning,
小强尼说：妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，
he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
他叫我让座给一位女士。
Youve done the right thing, says Mommy.
妈妈说：你做得很对呀。
But Mommy, I was sitting on daddys lap.
但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。
